Melbourne! Get a decent flag ya numbnuts!

Alright, let’s give it a go. This thing is so bad my borderline learning disabled budgie could have done it!

Now, listen up, you bloody lot! It’s time to talk about the flag of Melbourne, the city that loves to confuse its tourists. I mean, come on, what the hell is up with that thing?

Eleventy Billion dollar to spend on race cars driven by urine soaked drivers and powered by Adderall affected bees and no budget to improve tourism by replacing a flag designed by an autistic goat suffering from the early stages of dementia?

I’d estimate that this flag costs us at least 4.65 Quadrillion dollars a year in lost tourism income. I mean look at it! LOOK. AT. IT!

First off, we’ve got the St George’s Cross, the flag of England, because nothing screams “Melbourne” like a good old English flag, right? And don’t even get me started on that black disc with the City of Melbourne emblem. I mean, a Celtic knot and a mural crown? That’s like putting a Vegemite sandwich on top of a bloody hotdog. It just doesn’t make sense!

And let’s not forget the colours. Red and white? Come on, Melbourne, have you even tried? I swear, you could throw a rock and hit five different flags with the same damn colour scheme. It’s like you’re trying to blend in with the crowd instead of standing out.

No wonder the tourism industry in Melbourne is struggling. Who wants to come to a city with a boring and confusing flag? I mean, how are we supposed to take you seriously when your flag looks like it was designed by a blindfolded toddler with a box of crayons?

So, let’s get our act together, Melbourne. It’s time to redesign that flag and give us something we can all be proud of. Something that screams Melbourne, something that stands out in a crowd, and something that doesn’t make us look like a bunch of bloody amateurs.

Until then, we’ll just have to settle for laughing at your silly flag and hope that the tourists don’t catch on.